Feeling the Healing

I expected to get better. I have gotten better. My arm hangs as limp as ever at my side and I continue to waddle like a penguin who's had too much champagne but I am better. I feel it.

Just moments ago, I found myself daydreaming and sipping coffee in probably one of the calmest, most peaceful moments I've had in 2 and ½ years. I noticed a sliver of time filled with peace in my 200 MPH mind. You see, my healing is all about dealing...sorry for the rhymes, just worked out that way. My arm is down for the count and the finality of that made the loss of the use of my arm the easiest of all the crap to accept. The therapist didn't pussy-foot around, she straight up told me no more left hand.

My leg, on the other hand, no pun intended, well maybe, HAS to work and I get around just fine without too much wine. (and there she goes again!) There is a scooter in my future but right now, I'm cool walking just don't expect Chatty Cathy. I have to concentrate.

There is not a damn thing I can do to change any of that. My body is as healed as it's going to get. I know that and while I can't say 100%, the anger has subsided considerably. The sadness is now rare. The desire to move on is strong. I feel a stability in my soul that I don't think I've ever known. My healing has reached beyond brain cancer into my behavior and self image. Apparently, brain surgery is a big deal mentally. They get in there, fiddle around and change the wiring up just a bit. It takes a minute to bounce back. That is where I'm feeling the healing...sipping coffee and daydreaming, finally at peace with me.