Imagine: Little Jenny

I've been consciously trying to rid my mind of constantly thinking of my problems. I am a writer stuck in a cathartic rut and I need to escape into my imagination. I need to let me be me again. I know my hand will never work again and the limp, well, it's permanent, but my mind? They didn't take much of it. Not that I had that much to start with. I still need to share my story and reach out to others but I need to find Little Jenny.

I knew what was going to happen before it did. I feared cancer would be the last straw. Cancer would make me to grow up. Noooooo! Yesssss! Damn it, man! Forced to face the demon and stare it down, to beat it, I had to put frightened Little Jenny away. Now, I'm searching for her spark. I know it's there. I just don't know how to let go of all the crap so I can pull her back to the surface.

Someone asked me once why I never wrote happy love songs? I responded show me happy love. Pain is an amazing inspiration and I've never felt such personal pain in my soul. There is so much to be said, to be shared to help those struggling through. I fully intend to do so and at the same time I must diversify, create.

I've always used writing as an escape into a world of my own making, where I am in control. I am the creator. Wow! There is nothing like a brain tumor and cancer to pop that bubble. I'm to the point where I realize that acceptance is out of my control. It simply must happen for me to move on, for me to find Little Jenny and open a world of imagination, to go home.

Pic circa 1964 w/Judy. I'm in the bucket.