Stop The Stigmas

Anyone who has been through a major health issue knows being strong can be very exhausting. My battle with brain cancer didn't end with a cancer free decree. Depression, anxiety and PTSD continue to plague my ability to be the tower of power I've been all of my life. The tower is broken and the power is weakened. I struggle, some days more than others, then comes a day when I can't fake it and the proverbial sh*t hits the fan. Life becomes difficult.

It's odd that when one has mental health issues, those on the outside don't understand that the feelings are real and valid. More medication! Kill the feelings with drugs...they are just because you're “crazy” or “unstable” anyway. It's no wonder people hide mental illness. Since being diagnosed, I have been devalued to the point that nothing I feel really matters. It's tiresome to feel with a poet's heart but be regarded as nothing more than pathetic.

I see a Psychologist that has made a great impact on grieving the physical losses I suffered from the tumor and providing tools to manage my depression and such. And that's good for me, but it ends there. My feelings are based on external influences, medication, mental illness and “something wrong with your brain.” No feelings are valid or real. It's hard to live like that when I'm trying so hard to move forward.

The stress from this and other of life's difficulties have actually caused physical problems for me lately. I have a great deal of involuntary movement (spasticity) in my effected left side warranting an increase in muscle relaxer dosage. I'm not asking to be treated special. I don't want that. I want to be treated like I'm worthwhile. The odds are against it though; disabled AND mentally ill? Not a chance in today's America.