How Did I Get Here From There?
The weirdest stuff happens when recovery from something as major as a brain or spinal cord tumor actually starts kicking in. It takes a while. At least it did for me. Now, as I'm approaching two years since they cracked my skull like a walnut, it's truly amazing to look at just how far I've come to get “here.” It blows my neurologically altered mind!
When I was “there” in the mix, head spinning, confusion and anger eating me up, I would never have dreamt there would come a better day. Then two. Then a good week. Then came some days when I couldn't lift up head up for crying. In fact, for the first six months of my cancer dueling it out with Chemo, I awoke crying every single day. We got that under control...Thank you, Mother's Little Helper.
Last time I cried? There was the AFC Championship game and before that, my dad's birthday. Both times it was about something other than ME. It's eye-opening to suddenly know and see the progress to get “here,” to today. Yes, I have to protect myself, I must be careful and I'm going to have really crappy days but the fear of living as I am is gone.
I have had tremendous therapists and made very special friends through my cancer experience. People who have given wisdom or told stories or offered an ear have inspired me and reminded me of who I am. Reminded me of who I've always been. People who have seen it first hand; one from a feeding tube to keep her alive to a hospital RN, doing her best to help others. Another went from chest down paralysis to running a company, creating a non-profit organization and riding a bicycle, for God's sake. And another and another and another.
I look back on the bad days when I have one now and then, and I count my blessings that “there” was only temporary. “Here” is much more fun.
