Me, Me, Me

I'm a bit of an over achiever with a tendency to obsess over things. I must have watched the first “Toy Story” a million times, amazed by the birth of computer animation. I was so enamored by Hobbit creator, JRR Tolkien, that I had every book including an elfish dictionary. When I decide to get into something, I go all the way. So, when the term “brain tumor” became a reality, you can only imagine my reaction. It wasn't a movie or book that got my full attention, it was me. The process of surviving brain cancer consumed me.

At first, and for a long time, concentrating fully on my treatment, recovery and rehabilitation was necessary for both myself and my partner and caregiver. As time passed and I grew stronger and more independent, my partner was able to return to the real world without fear of me being too stupid. (I also am hugely impulsive...bad, very bad.) But now, while I still must be very careful, I am to a point of moving on with life, cancer-free. I don't need to be “so damn self centered,” as she said.

I am trying my best to see things other than what is happening in my immediate bubble. I try not to bring up the tumor or anything about it in conversation...it's boring and I'm tired of it. I am making progress, although some will tell you I have just gone from one obsession to another. I won't take the blame for that. How could it be MY responsibility that MY Kansas City Chiefs are having a stellar season at the same time I'm trying to be less selfish? Come on, man!

It's not easy when the reality for each of us is that we are works in progress building toward being the best people we can be. I can't help but remember my father saying, “Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care.” (actually, Teddy Roosevelt) I've spent so much time caring for myself, I'm going to have to really work to get off of the “It's all about Jenn” train. Wish me luck!