Fear be Gone
6 Months Cancer-Free. I religiously go in for my follow up MRI’s every three months and each time it seems just a bit easier. At first...Good Lord! When they first discovered the tumor, I was glowing in the dark, I logged so much time in “the tube.” There is a huge difference between then and now. I’m not nearly as frightened.
Something major clicked a few weeks ago and I have, more or less, let go of the fear. I clung to it more than long enough and I finally have reached the limit. Don’t get me wrong, there is still fear, I just can’t allow it to consume me anymore. A brain tumor does not define me, although I have allowed it to rule my world, which was a necessity for recovery really. I had a Recreational Therapist tell me while I was still in the hospital that my full time job from now on was recovering.
It truly was a long and often confusing journey to get where I am today and of course I’m not done. I’ve just found the door. I have yet to open it and step in. When I think of where I started and the amazing array of human emotions that we go through, I’m stunned to have come so far. I had zero idea just how long the recovery process would be...and I still don’t. It’s not over. I don’t know that it ever will be and that’s okay.
Since this ride began I have gotten to know the real, bare bones naked me better than ever before. I’ve grown in how I think and react. By getting a grip on the fear I was harboring, I changed my outlook. It’s really simple: I’m done. 6 months cancer-free...that’s enough to change going to my periodical MRI’s from a major event to something no more worrisome than getting a hair cut. Still, I typically don’t take Valium before a haircut. Hmmm?
