Alone Not Lonely

I'm alone. For the first time since Feb 16, 2017, I am alone. No Connie...she is 35,000 feet in the air on her way to Ohio for a few days. Sure, I've had moments to myself but these are my first overnights, so to speak. There is slight apprehension, I’ll admit, but mostly, I'm looking forward to it.

The journey started with a non-stop flow of scrub clad medical personnel, therapists, social workers and, I don’t know, Santa Claus could have come through for all I know. Needless to say, for the 27 days of inpatient rehab for brain surgery, I barely had an hour alone. And when I did, I generally got into trouble for doing something like getting myself from the bed to the wheelchair. What I thought was progress was looked at as “impulsive” behavior and gave therapists yet another challenge with this bull-headed Kansas girl. I had to learn my limitations.

It has taken time and bruises, even a broken rib or two for me to realize that the days of my being a superhero are over. Falling down really, really sucks but it serves as a brutal and humbling lesson leading me down a far wiser road. I can fall anytime I stop thinking about what I’m doing, so simply think.

This time alone is a great test for me. I do very little alone but beginning today, my independence is under scrutiny and I need to shine so the stress we’ve been living with for way too long can lighten up. I need affirmation that I can depend on myself to make the right decisions, as does Connie so she doesn’t need to worry so often.

So far so good. I can do this. I’m more than ready for the quiet that comes with being alone...AND the sound that comes with watching an Avengers movie on the big screen at theater volume. Yep, I can do this.