Check Check Testing...1 2 3

One would naturally think that the stress of a major surgery would relax as recovery took over and post surgery life begins. That may be true for some procedures but for a spinal tumor or brain tumor surgery, life as we know it, can change forever and the residual stress can last and last and last.

My tumor laid across the control center for my left side and its removal damaged my brain, effecting my left arm, hand and leg. I am a fall risk, one armed and the trauma to my bean gave me PTSD. I jump out of my skin when somebody sneezes. I don’t even need to mention depression, anger or sadness. Bottom line: the effect on my partner has been and continues to be devastating. This is one hell of a test to see just how strong love is.

Every day is different. We have some good days but I’ve come to realize I am very difficult to live with so we generally have plenty of bad days, simply because I can’t seem to get things right. I’m not sure what is whacked out in my neurons so I’ve begun seeing a really progressive psychologist who is teaching me meditation. I believe that, paired with my search for faith, might make things a little easier on everybody. At this point in life, I have very little peace in my heart and that rubs off...quickly.

Another change I must make, a challenge I must face...increased independence, ie take some of the weight. It’s very easy to let people do things for me just because it might take some patience for me to do it myself. Is that the person I was meant to be? A dependent? My initial thought is hell no! But, I’ve let it happen to an extent that is putting too much on my partner.

If I’ve learned anything in this thing we call life, it is that perception is reality. While I see it one way, you may see a completely different reality. I know, as a strong personality, there are times when I must step back to see the bigger truth. Meaning I have to put myself in check once in a while for the sake of love and life. Everyone deserves peace...