Angry Blog: Bad Days Happen II

I wish I was being dramatic and “wallowing” in self pity, then I could put a stop to it. I wish it was as simple as so many seem to think it is. I am a burden, nothing more. Before brain surgery, I felt as though my contribution to the household was adequate, at least. We all want to make more money but at the time, we wanted for nothing and I compensated by caring for the house, cleaning, laundry and cooking. That has all changed because of me, because of my inability to just suck it up and start again right where I left off.

I tried like hell to keep my fledgling company going, but the minute you say “brain cancer” people run away like you’re the devil himself. I was declared fully disabled by the all mighty US Government and I officially became a worthless piece of garbage unable to support myself. Despite 40 years of working hard, paying taxes and supporting myself, today I am a burden to the US people and to the people I love.

I wish...I wish everyday that things were different, that the whole experience was just a horrible, horrible nightmare and I’m going to wake up screaming any minute now. But, I’m not going to wake up screaming. I am going to wake up the same burden to everyone I have been since I made the worst decision of my life.

Am I feeling sorry for myself? Maybe. I know that I’m no hero. I’m not brave. I’m so sad and angry I don’t think anyone can understand the depth of it. I didn’t ask for this and I’ll be damned if I can figure out what I did in my life to deserve to be what I’ve become...worthless, weak and a waste. But, no worries, I have a really effective mask.