Growing My World...Again

As human beings, we spend a lifetime building our world, collecting friends and memories, establishing careers and creating a family, making our mark, no matter how small. Toss in that “C” word, in my case a brain tumor, and that growing world suddenly and dramatically changes. I can’t speak for everyone, but when I was diagnosed my world became very small, very quickly. For this social butterfly that was completely unacceptable but equally unavoidable.

Going through major surgery, tons of rehab to learn to function again and having a delightful relationship with chemotherapy for a year, I became genuinely self absorbed. Seriously, everything was about me. I remember my recreational therapist actually saying that my full time job from now on was taking care of me. I had no idea the truth in her words.

Today, with the cancer free stamp of approval under my gait belt (haha) for a few months, I’m doing the best I can to expand my tiny little world again. The difficulty lies with the damage to my brain left by the surgery. I lost the use of my left hand and struggle to walk. It’s amazing how much my balance was affected. None-the-less, I’m learning to accept those “scars” and get back to living...with them.

I’m not going to BS, I have moments when my frustration goes through the roof and patience becomes a thing of the past. But, I’m getting better at sorting that out. Just the other day I had the self awareness to step back and regroup when I was angered by a simple situation...needing help when I didn’t want to need help. But, by trying things for the first time (again) I’m slowly growing my world back.

I know it will never be the same. One doesn’t come back from neurological tumors and cancers the same as before. I don’t expect that but I can work toward bringing some doable old into my new. It’s worth the try, because as I step out of the bubble I’ve created around myself, I’m finding that I CAN more often than I CAN’T.