Angry Blog: Bad Days Happen

Anger happens. Sadness happens. And you're not alone. Caregivers and partners can have bad days, too. I have done my very best to understand the difficulty of a situation involving a brain tumor or spinal cord tumor. The pressure put on my partner is often more than she can handle and the guilt that puts on me is nearly more than I can bear. The combination is a recipe for disaster. Throw in some resentment and blame and you've got a full on blow up happening.

How does one avoid this? I wish I had the answer. Like I said, bad days happen and can spin out of control with a few harsh words or the blame game. Cancer is THE most challenging thing I have ever faced and the pressure of it can crumble the strongest relationship. I know how hard it is to

keep your loved one as number one in your life when you're fighting for your life. I have tried my best but there are times when even I can feel my selfishness. The world is often all about me. I neglect to realize it is absolutely not about me. Cancer has made my world very small, so it's an easy mistake to make.

I'm not crazy. I'm depressed. I'm angry. I'm struggling to find some facsimile of “normal” in a very abnormal state of being. I am often wrong and often more emotional than the situation warrants. I am a raw nerve ready to cry or become enraged at the drop of a hat. It's not the fault of anyone. The blame lies squarely on my shoulders and, believe me, it's very heavy. I didn't ask for a brain tumor or the effects left on my body and I certainly didn't didn't wish this on my partner. But it happened and we've got to deal with it. Patience, love and understanding can be the hardest things to practice when the pressure is on but without at least an effort, all can be lost. I can't let cancer beat me or those I love...even when bad days happen.